A Shell of a Child

Never have I felt more alone than in the place I should feel loved


I never can escape the fear…the pure horror of a child’s mind

The feeling of play…of love…is too unfamiliar

It sits and it wrenches my eyes with tears

Like a victim living with her abuser

Like cancer living in its desecrated body

I have no where to go

I am alone

Watching you sit in the tub…blood poured

yelling, “Mommy wake up.”

But you laid there, penetrating my mind

Pills on the floor

Booze dripping on the side of your lip

Eyes wide and without any life inside

“Why won’t you wake up?”

Eight years old….

I became a shell of a child

But,you aren’t the only one dying mommy

For when I go home, I come a little bit closer to my own death

I come a little closer to giving into my fear

When I go home

I become a shell of a child

When I go home…

Please don’t make me go…


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